A521.8.4.RB_Manglona, Matthew-Napu_Making Contact
I would like to start this blog by going back to when I was
grade school. I was the quiet, shy, and soft spoken kid who always wanted to do
what was right. I never liked to talk to others, my circle of friends were
small (up till this day), and always kept to myself. As I got to my senior year
in high school and my early part of college I started to develop my confidence
in talking to people. Then when I joined the military and became a commission
officer things became much easier as the years passed and deep down I have feel
I have an approachable and friendly trait to others. Mandel (1992) states,
“Most of us grew up with strict, non-negotiable golden rules that dictated the
way in which polite people should act, such as speaking softly and
unobtrusively, not talking too much about ourselves, accepting compliments
reluctantly, and above all, not asking directly for what we want. In other
words, we were taught to be invisible.”
Mckay, Davis, and Fanning (2009) discuss about rejection and
the reasons most of us “reframe rejection” from our appearance, culture
practices, and other outside influences that society does not see as normal
played a factor to why I was the way I was when I was younger. Through constant
rejection in my life I have learned to monitor a room or place, examine it, and
read other people’s body languages to see who I can engage and interact with. VanDerWal
(2008) states, “The key is advance preparation. Read the paper, find out what's
going on in your community, business world, real world, because then you will
feel more prepared to make conversation. Have a self-intro, but a pleasantry,
not an elevator speech.” (p. 88) this is a similar practice that I use to
engage conversation with others.
Some of the lessons that I can take to improve my conection
with others will have to be my Self Disclosure. Mckay, Davis, and Fanning
(2009). I really do not like talking about myself, although I do let some
people in, I just (from how I was raised) remain humble and let others boast
about themselves. Of course I know that letting people know who I am will
benefit the conversation, however as Mckay, Davis, and Fanning (2009) described
to use what is called as “active listening.” I use this attribute because I
care about what others have to say, that gages me on whether I should let the
other person into my life after listening to theirs. If they speak highly of
themselves, then forget about it, but if they are giving me “tug and pull”
which I have to share with them about myself then I will go ahead and spill the
beans about my life, in moderation though.
References:
Mandel, T. (1992). Working a room. Los Angeles Business
Journal, 14(37), 24A.
McKay, M., Davis, M., & Fanning, P. (2009). Messages:
The Communication Skill Book (Third Edition). New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
VanDerWal, M. (2008). Working a room: Master the art of
effective mingling R & L Publishing, Ltd. (dba SUCCESS Media).
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